Sex, Creativity and the purpose of life...

Recently, one of my friends told me about a research study she had read about in some newspaper..She doesn't remember who did it, what the sample was or anything..but she did remember what data it threw up...

According to the study, women don't mind if their husbands sleep around with other women, but they do have a problem if their husband is emotionally attached to another women. For men, the exact opposite applies. They wouldn't mind if their wife is emotionally attached to another man, but they take offence if she sleeps with another man.

Now, I don't know how accurate these results are, and I'm not saying that it HAS to be this way...but the findings are completely in line with what evolutionary theory has to say. According to evolutionary theory, men in the past (past as in prehistoric era) aimed to ensure the survival of their genes in the next generation, by mating with as many women as possible, and by preventing any other man from mating with his woman/women. For a woman on the other had, the priority was resources, which ensured that she was able to take care of herself and her children. So for her, it was more important that her partner remains commited to her at an emotional level, because that ensured continued supply of resources .If the man became emotionally attached to another woman, there is a greater chance that he would abandon her for the other woman, depriving her of the resources she needs. Whether the partner sleeps with other women or not, was of no concern to her as far as she was being taken care of by her man/men. The vestiges of this past behaviour are recorded in our genes, and that is why even today women and men in the study responded the way they did.

Anyway, this got me thinking about what drives our life? Is is simply these genes, that govern our life? And is the purpose of human life just ensuring future life? Sex after all is the by-product of death, a way to remain immortal, through genes.

And what about music, dance, literature, science and all our other creative pursuits? Where and how do they fit into this picture? In animals, songs and dance are used to attract mates. Do they simply serve a similar purpose in humans? Is everything we do driven by a need to pass on our genes to a future generation?


And where do theories such as that of Maslow's fit in? Are the "higher-order" needs a myth? An illusion we use to deceive ourselves? Is there no such thing as "self-actualization" that we can aspire to?


Or was there something I was missing?


As I thought about it, I found that I could name many people who had chosen to live life for some "higher purpose". People who had chosen to walk on the untrodden path. Those who had dedicated themselves completely to some purpose- their work, their passion for some cause..something. And in doing so they had chosen to bypass the usual routes of making a "family" for themselves..not because they could not..but because they chose not to. They were few and far...yet they were there..the exceptions to the evolutionary rule....


What I've also noticed is how these people refer to the products of their efforts as their "babies" or their "children".......


And this has got me thinking on a diffrent line altogether.....The purpose of life.....is immortality. The evolutionary theory is right. We want to live forever.


And we do live forever...either through the genes we pass on to future generations, or through work that has a lasting impact, and thereby guarantees that our name shall live forever.....


I might be entirely and completely wrong of course....someday maybe I shall know for sure.....


Till then, the purpose of my life..is to be immortal.....

Anybody want a cat that is almost human?

A close friend of mine is having to put her cat up for adoption due to unavoidable circumstances (its a long story..I’ll tell you some other time)….

The point is that this cat needs a home now…You can’t really call it a cat..I’ve always thought Curly (thats his name) was half-human, the way he always seemed to know exactly what we were speaking….In any case he is the most intelligent cat I know…and also one of the most beautiful ones….

Pepper coloured….and “potty-trained and food-trained” in my friends own words…He is a rather well-behaved cat..Doesn’t scratch the furniture or anything…loves to sleep on top of the TV and to play hide and seek…

As of now Curly is in an animal shelter, and my friend has been given a weeks time to find a good home for him in Mumbai….So if anyone is interested please please do drop in a mail at mythilyram@gmail.com. If you want to see Curly’s pic, then you can see it at http://dietraeume.blogspot.com. Please people, take this plea for help very seriously and contact me within a week.

Thank you!

Two sides to every story....

Her side of the story (a perusal of her thoughts):
" How much more time will it take for this bus to arrive???? Look at the crowd gathering...Ah! there it is finally, let me get in now..quick!
Whew! finally in...Where is the conductor now..ah! there he is...(buys the ticket)...Let me see now..Any place to sit...yes..there it is..next to that guy in the black shirt...
Wow! Its so nice to finally sit down and rest my feet..all that standing at the bus-stop really kills me...But damn! Its the aisle seat..wish I had the window seat..should I ask the guy next to me if he would mind letting me sit at the window...(turning to the guy at the window seat, eyes meet)...Oh My God!!!! Its Him....After so many years...
How long ago was it?... 3 years..maybe more....Haven't been in any contact with him since then..no calls, no letters...Zero! Zilch! Nothing!....He still looks as good as ever...still makes my heart do a somersault....and he has the headphones in his ears as usual...used to have them on even when I used to talk to him...guess old habits die hard...

Should I smile at him? Should I say something?...Maybe I should...We didn't fight or anything..we just drifted apart somehow...But why isn't he saying anything? Did he even recognize me? Or maybe he did recognize me but is pretending that he hasn't....does he not feel anything anymore?

Maybe he is seeing someone else....Hmm..its likely that he's moved on...its been a rather long time...he was always popular with the girls....Wonder who it is with..maybe I know her...

Will he say something already?!!! My stop is almost here...won't he even say a little hi....

Oh! Chuck it! Here's my stop now...I'll get up now..get down and wont look at him!!!! "

His side of the story (a perusal of his thoughts) :

" Few more stops and I'll be home...Its been a long day...I think I'll go meet the gang at CCD before I head home...a nice coffee and some good conversation is what I need most now...and well X has bought a new bike...need to have a look at that too...

Ahhh! Himesh Reshammiya again...what happened to all the good singers...and all the good songs!!!...(she comes and sits next to him)....Hey! I know this scent..She used to wear it...(he turns to look at her at the same time that she looks at him)...It is her!...

Oh! there is a lump in my throat already....should I say something? Does she remember me? If she did, then she would probably have said something by now...but she hasn't even smiled at me yet...

No wait..she has recognized me for sure...She is giving me that ' you-and-your-earphones' look again...How well I know that look!....Hmmm...so she remembers me...but why won't she say anything??? ..she was always a little egoistic..that's it...her ego!

Is she going around with someone else now? Didn't she get in at the stop near the court? So I guess she did pass her Law exam...working now I guess...

Why is she getting up now? This is not where she used to live! Guess she moved..lives somewhere around here now....

Should I say something? I think I should..but she isn't looking back....

Oh! Forget it!"

Note: This is a fictional piece..Does not reflect the views of any individual person..But yes, I did prepare for this piece by asking a few girls and guys I know, how they would react if placed in a situation like this...and then I just created a mix of all the views I heard....So you may find your own views reflected here, or you might not...

Escape from Freedom....

Escape from Freedom- That's the title of Erich Fromm's book, which is a commentary on Nazism and authoritarianism....
The title has always intrigued me....Why would anyone want to run away from freedom? And the answer that I get is that with freedom comes responsibility, with rights come duties...We want to be free but do not want to accept the burden of making decisions or take efforts to bettering the situation when the situation so demands.

Its Independence day today.....And I'm bombarded by the media which serves me with the 2 usual, cliched viewpoints that I hear without fail, year after year....

Viewpoint Number 1 is the annual "Ode to the Motherland"....The gushing praise and loud celebration of our culture and heritage.....Of India's natural beauty.... And the sacrifice and courage of our freedom fighters.

Viewpoint Number 2 is the annual bemoaning of "the state of the country"...The lack of "progress"....And the incessant blaming of every authority for not doing their job....

According to me, both these viewpoints are right...And both are wrong. Rather, both are incomplete....And the idea that is missing in both is the same....namely, neither talk about the role of the common man....

Take the first view...Yes, India has a rich culture...undeniably..But how many people on the streets are really respectful of it? There are so many people out there who don't know who composed Vande Mataram, nor its lyrics...Though they know all the latest Himesh songs..And there are enough ignoramuses who believe that Gandhiji was the Prime Minister at one point of time...And yes,India is beautiful...But are we really preserving that beauty? Declarations of "undying love" deface historical monuments..Deforestation and pollution taint the natural beauty.....

The second viewpoint offers the same arguments that I've just made...that the country is in a bad shape..But then, the people who hold this view generally blame it on the Government.....I'm not saying that the Government is faultless...I'm not naive enough to believe that....All I'm saying is that the people who blame the government should take a good look at themselves first.....

I've accused the Government often..Of ineffectiveness and negligence....But I've done that only because I'm sure that I've done my bit for my country..It may not seem like much....But I do it because I know that someday it might make a difference...I follow the laws that I think make sense..And I protest against laws that I find oppressive...I make myself heard, because that is both my right and my duty....I don't litter on the roads or destroy public property..Nor do I allow people around me to do so....In any small or big way...Whenever I get a chance to serve my countrymen I take the opportunity and do my best....I'm not boasting about how patriotic I am..just trying to make a point that if each and every one of us wants to, then we can collectively make a big difference....

Freedom gives you great power and with power comes responsibility to use that power well....We as citizens of the Sovereign Socialist Secular Democratic Republic Of India are granted the following by our Constitution:

JUSTICE, social, economic and political;

LIBERTY of thought, expression, belief, faith and worship;

EQUALITY of status and of opportunity

FRATERNITY assuring the dignity of the individual and the unity and integrity of the Nation. (Refer to the Preamble of The Constitution Of India).

Its a lot really..Let us all make good use of the powers bestowed upon us, and discharge our responsibilities without shirking them...And only then will we be truly able to embrace freedom....Till then our lives will remain an attempt to Escape from Freedom...Remember, "If you are not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem".

Pass the Message....A sincere request!

Coca Cola in association with MOB (an NGO) and Disha Counseling Centre, is organizing free counseling sessions for those who were affected by the Mumbai blasts- either directly or indirectly. People who desire to avail of these services can call at the following numbers from Tuesday ,25th of July onwards: 9324547076 and 9819924387. The calls can be made on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, and the counseling sessions are scheduled for Friday, Saturday and Monday. Thus the program will be running only till 31st of July. Counseling will be provided irrespective of the person's economic background, social status, caste or community.


If you know anyone who has been affected by the blasts, and is experiencing distress because of it, please make the above information available to that person. The person may have actually been affected by the blasts, and been injured, or the person may have been present on the scene and may be suffering from stress owing to have seen the destruction and death. the counseling will also be given to those who were not directly affected by the blasts, but whose relatives or friends may have been victims, as a result of which they too are suffering from excessive grief and other emotional disturbances.

Please please please pass on this message...it is very very important!
Thank you in advance.

Dear Mr.Terrorist....

Dear Mr. Terroist,

I hope you are happy. Psychologists tell me that you are trained not to feel any emotions. So, if you do not experience regret, guilt or fear of punishment, I suppose you cannot fel happiness or satisfaction at the success of your plans either. So why do you do what you do- when it offers you no job satisfaction?

You should be happy though- your plans worked perfectly! There was so much blood, so much loss of innocent lives...Did you kill as many people as you hoped to kill? You carried out your plan so well, Mr. Terrorist. Congratulations on a job well done!

This is why I sometimes think you are better than our government officials- atleast you do your job well! Our goverment officials rarely do their jobs- forget about doing it well. It is we citizens who took up the responsibility of rescuing survivors and taking them to the hospitals. We picked up the dead bodies of our fellow citizens from the tracks. The government officials made a few token visits,made a few symapthetic noises and and locked themselves up in some meeting. I wonder if we should elect them next time- we seem to be doing so much of their work, I'm sure we can run the country without them.

And this is why I think you are wasting your time Mr. Terrorist. You can kill us by the hundreds and the government won't do a thing because they don't care what happens to us- they give a damn! There are so many of us in this country that a few hundred less voters who do not exist anymore make no difference to their lives.

I haven't been able to tell my family that I'm fine. And I don't know if they are ok. The stupid phone lines were jammed! I had a fight with my parents before I left home today- I regret that now. I wish I could tell them I'm sorry. I wish I could tell them how much I love them. It is morning now Mr. Terrorist, and the trains are working again (our city never stops..it keeps moving on). I'll just hop into one of the trains and I'll be home in no time. I'm not scared of you, Mr.Terrorist.

And Mr. Terrorist, Thank you very much! Thanks to your well orchestrated blasts yesterday, I realized how many people love me and care for me. My boyfriend was so worried about me yesterday- he says he realized how much he loved me when he came so close to losing me. He has asked me to marry him (finally!).

I don't know if you are happy, Mr.Terrorist. But I am truly, very, very happy.

Yours sincerely,

A middle-class, local-train travelling Mumbaikar.

P.S. Although this is a work of fiction, any similarity to actual events or individuals is completely intentional. It compiles the various reactions I to the blasts that I heard from people around me. I've used a little bit of my imagination too.This post of mine is a tribute to all Mumbaikars.

Review: The Picture of Dorian Gray

" I am jealous of everything whose beauty does not die. I am jealous of the portrait you have painted of me. Why should it keep what I must lose? Every moment that passes takes something from me, and gives something to it. Oh, if it were only the other way! If the picture could change and I could be always what I am now..."
- so spake Dorian Gray.

The Picture of Dorian Gray (1891) is Oscar Wilde's only novel. The book was greeted by protests...for it mirrored the society, and society was not yet ready to see its own reflection. As Wilde wrote in the Preface to the book- "The nineteenth century dislike of Realism is the rage of Caliban seeing his own face in a glass". In one part of the novel, he offers an argument to his critics- "The books that the world calls immoral are books that show the world its own shame."

The story that the book tells is quite simple- An extremely handsome young man, Dorian Gray, realizes that life will slowly strip him of his beauty and youth. In one emotionally charged moment, he wishes that his portrait would grow old instead of him, that his portrait should bear the imprint of life's lessons and he himself should remain unscathed, young and handsome forever. He is willing to give his soul in order to fulfill this wish. And this is just what happens. How the portrait metamorphoses not only according to Dorian's physical deterioration but also because of the degradation of his personality forms the crux of the story. The portrait here is a metaphor for the conscience.

Wilde creates some very strong personalities. The artist Basil Hallward, seems to be a fictional representation of Wilde himself. Interestingly, Wilde once wrote, "Basil Hallward is what I think I am: Lord Henry what the world thinks me: Dorian what I would like to be--in other ages, perhaps." Hallward finds inspiration for his art in Dorian, he loves Dorian. I couldn't help but connect this to Wilde's own homosexual tendencies. At one point Wilde writes about Basil's love for Dorian that-

"The love that he bore for him-for it was really love-had nothing in it that was not noble and intellectual.It was not that mere physical admiration of beauty that is born of the senses, and that dies when the senses tire." Basil idolizes Dorian.
The strongest, most clearly etched character is Lord Henry Wotton, a man who believes that all conscience is cowardice. He cares nothing for morality- and argues for hedonism-
"Don't squander the gold of your days, listening to the tedious, trying to improve the hopeless failure, or giving away your life to the ignorant, the common, and the vulgar. These are the sickly aims, the false ideals, of our age. Live! Live the wonderful life that is in you. Let nothing be lost upon you. Be always searching for new sensations. Be afraid of nothing....A new Hedonism- that is what our century wants". Lord Henry plays a sort of double role throughout the book- on one hand he is a devil's advocate, exposing the hypocrisy of society, while on the other hand he is acts as the devil...leading Dorian into temptation. It is under his influence that Dorian sets out "to cure the soul by means of the senses".
Dorian is presented to us initially as a young, innocent young man, who is hardly aware of his own beauty and the influence it has on others. When Lord Henry makes him aware of it, and the fact that he will someday lose it, he loses his innocence. Lord Henry takes him under his wing, and slowly but surely Dorian ceases to be what he was...turning into a drug addict, and even a murderer, in his pursuit of material, sensual pleasures. Curing the soul by means of the senses- this becomes his mantra. He becomes feared in social circles as a bad influence, and those who become attached to him are indeed doomed by his influence. The book deals with this metamorphosis of Gray.
And all this while, the portrait changes. Dorian is initially afraid of the changes that he sees occuring in the picture, and he vows to reform. But as time passes, he delights in looking at the portrait deteriorate...because each wrinkle, and each stain that appears on the portrait is an affirmation that Dorian himself will remain untouched by time. For each act of cruelty that he commits, a cruel expression appears on the face of the painting; every time that he consumes drugs, it is not his own body, but the body in the painting that suffers the consequences. This gives Dorian a freedom to act as he pleases as he knows he will not pay for his actions. He is free from guilt, remorse or regret.

In the end however, Dorian becomes a slave of the same hypocrisy that he condemns. He pretends to be noble, he believes that he is noble.....it is the portrait that shows him the truth. He hopes that the portrait will have changed for the better...after all he is "good" now, but-

" He could see no change, save that in the eyes there was a look of cunning, and in the mouth the curved wrinkle of the hypocrite. The thing was still loathsome- more loathsome, if possible, than before..."

Thus, through the book Wilde seems to argue that the weapon against hypocrisy is not a complete sacrifice of morality. Instead, the key is to be truly noble. As Basil says to Dorian-

" England is bad enough, I know, and English society is all wrong. That is the reason why I want you to be fine". The truly noble man will remain untouched by time, because his soul is clear of guilt. But hypocrites and immoral people are essentially the same..and will have the same end.

Wilde however does not define morality, nor does he describe acts that are moral. He does not state that the norms of society constitute morality. It is left to the reader to decide what is moral or immoral.

The book is relevant even today- the moral dilemmas of 19th century England, are the same that we face in the 21st century. The book makes one contemplate. I only wish that Wilde had given the book an open ending, characteristic of modern novels, instead of giving the book a definite end. In this, the book appears to be dogmatic. An open ending would give more power to the reader, rather than becoming purely a vehicle for the author's views.

People not very familiar with the English language of the nineteenth century, may find the book a little difficult to read. It takes time to get used to. Those looking for a fast-paced mystery will be disappointed. But those who like to debate and contemplate about moral issues will find the book very interesting.

All in all, I got what I expected from the book and am satisfied with it. This blog entry describes my views on the book, and they may or may not be the same as yours. I welcome others who have read the book to leave your views about it, as a comment. Other comments about this blog entry are also welcomed.